My Breastfeeding Journey

Our breastfeeding woes started almost immediately after Noah was born. Long story short, Noah would not latch properly and was barely getting any milk in his first few days of life, which resulted in a 10% weight loss from his birth weight (basically, right at the point the doctors were growing concerned) and a mild case of jaundice.

After seeking help from my postpartum nurses at the hospital, along with a lactation consultant, Noah was still not latching correctly; therefore, I made the decision to pump. My decision was not a popular one among the nurses, nor lactation consultant, but after talking with Noah's pediatrician, I knew this was the best way I could ensure Noah was actually getting food. After making this decision, we decided to rent a hospital-grade pump (we chose the Medela Symphony) since I'd be pumping exclusively, and needed a pump with a strong motor that could keep up with 8-10 sessions a day.

Once I started pumping, Noah took to a bottle right away, and was discharged from the hospital on time, with follow-up weight checks throughout the next week at his pediatrician's office. In addition to pumped breast milk from a bottle, we supplemented with formula for a few weeks and Noah quickly put back on all of his lost weight, plus a little extra. We were given the "okay" from the pediatrician to stop supplementing, and I went about my normal pumping schedule. In the weeks following his birth, and after my milk "came in", I had been able to build up a nice little stash of breast milk in our fridge and freezer. All was going well. 

Fast forward about 6 weeks, and I was having major supply issues. My milk stash was depleted and my stress levels were on the rise. By this time, Noah was sleeping longer stretches at night, and after sleeping through a middle-of-the night pumping session here and there, I ended up with a plugged milk duct, which then resulted in mastitis (translation: icky, awful breast infection).

After a round of antibiotics and a week of marathon pumping sessions to clear up the infection and unclog the milk duct, I was back to my normal pumping schedule, but still with supply issues. I could barely keep up with Noah's daily feeding schedule and soon had to come to the realization that we'd have no choice but to supplement with formula again.

We started supplementing, and as the month went on, my supply continued to dwindle and my stress levels were growing increasingly higher and higher by the day. I recall one day spilling a bottle of freshly pumped breast milk all over the kitchen counter and breaking down in tears after having pumped for 20 minutes and barely getting an ounce. I think it was soon after this that I made the decision to wean myself from the pump and switch Noah exclusively over to formula.

This wasn't an easy decision to reach, and I had many doubts about what I was choosing to do, but luckily, I found that several friends had gone through very similar experiences, and received some really great support and advice from them. Rob rallied behind my decision as well, and....guess what? After about 8 weeks of slowly weaning from the pump, I was SO.MUCH.HAPPIER as a mom. I was no longer tied to my pump for hours a day stressing over whether I'd get enough to even feed Noah one bottle of breast milk that day. Truth be told, I was pretty darn miserable while I was pumping. While I certainly won't argue that breast milk does provide invaluable nutrition for your baby, my personal belief is that it's also important to be happy, and give your absolute best to your child. I came to peace with my decision to switch to formula knowing that I had tried my best, and was ultimately able to give Noah breast milk for his first several months of life, which many others are not always able to do for one reason or another. 

I will admit that while I was pregnant I had made up my mind that I'd be exclusively nursing Noah for at least 6 months, and possibly up to a year, if things were still going well. Feeding him formula in the early months never really crossed my mind. I had made my decision, taken a breastfeeding course, and had done the "proper research". So, when I had struggles, this came as a pretty big surprise to me.

Up until now, I've really only shared my breastfeeding journey with close friends and family, but I felt the need to put this out there for other new moms to read. In my opinion, formula gets too much of a "bad rap" out there. Contrary to what some extremists may think, formula is NOT poison. Breastfeeding/pumping does not always "work" for everyone, even with the help of lactation consultants and fancy milk supply boosting supplements. To those moms who are having, or, have had trouble with breastfeeding, please know you are NOT alone. From one mom to another, please don't let ANYONE make you feel bad for your decision to breastfeed or not. We, as moms, are all in this together, and there needs to be more support for formula-feeding moms.